nobody's coming for us. - oh, someone's coming, all right. the only man who would care, michael scarn. [cheers and applause] see, i'm gonna lure him here. then i'm gonna kill everybody. then i'm gonna dig up scarn's dead wife, and i'm gonna hump her real good. [laughing evilly] i did not love the dialogue... or the character. i took the role to impress a receptionist who will remain nameless. - well, the all-star game was three days away, so naturally, it was all sold out. the only way scarn was getting in was in a uniform. just one problem with that-- scarn didn't know a hockey stick from a slim jim. so he went to meet with the famed trainer, cherokee jack. - mop the ice. - i'm not here to learn how to mop, i'm here to learn how to play hockey. - mop it. [billy joel's running on ice] - ♪ oh ♪ i get no traction 'cause i'm runnin' on ice ♪ ♪ it's taking me twice as long ♪ ♪ get a bad reaction 'cause i'm runnin' on ice ♪ - come on. come on! ♪ - ♪ you got to run, run, run, run, oh ♪ - blah! blah! ♪ you run, you run, you run